If you want a natural birth don’t have your baby in a hospital, you will end up with a c-section. Having your baby at home is dangerous and stupid. Birth centers are amazing because they feel like home but if your baby isn’t breathing they can’t help you. Hospitals are the safest. Hospitals are dangerous because they will make you have procedures on your baby that you don’t want. Is anyone confused yet?
If you are pregnant or even mention that you are thinking about getting pregnant everyone and their mother (literally) will have an opinion on where you should have your baby. Really you don’t even have to tell anyone just check out the comments on social media on articles surrounding birth and be prepared for an all out war. However, now that I am on my fourth pregnancy and I have learned something I wish every mom would understand:
It does not matter where you have your baby, at all. Read that again. It does not matter where you have your baby.
Have your baby at home, have your baby in a hospital, have your baby in a birth center, have your baby squatting in the woods (although I have to say that sounds the least appealing to me personally). It doesn’t matter.
Why doesn’t it matter?
Over the past 8 years I have been pregnant 4 times, have given birth 3 times, and am about to give birth again in a few short months. My first birth was a very typical 21st century birth. I labored for a long time, had an epidural, and had a baby in a hospital. Not exactly what I had planned, but nothing was terrible about it other than the 6 months of my upper thigh being numb to the touch from the epidural (one of the side effects I wasn’t told about). My second birth was probably the worst and most traumatic day of my life. He was also born in a hospital. You can read the story at the link above. My third birth was also in a hospital, but this time was the first time I took the time to really choose who I was going to have taking care of me. I think I interviewed half a dozen different OB/MW teams. This hospital water birth was the most incredible, healing birth I had ever had. Many of the natural birth crazies would say it was because it was a natural birth. I would somewhat disagree. It was because I trusted the birth team that was with me and my wishes and rights were respected. I was cared for like a real person and not just another patient. Having a natural birth is one of the most incredible experiences I have ever had, but I don’t think that is what made the biggest difference.
I had 3 hospital births and they were all completely different experiences. I learned the hard way during my second birth that hospitals aren’t always the safest places to have a baby if you don’t have a good team taking care of you. Both my baby and I faced moments where our lives were in jeopardy. Then I learned during my third birth that there are doctors in hospitals that will take phenomenal care of you. I experienced terrible care in a hospital setting, but I have also known women who experienced terrible care at home and in a birth center. It can happen everywhere, just like incredible care can.
So what does matter?
What does matter is who you choose to be there with you when you have your baby. This matters so much, so very much and I don’t think many moms grasp just how much this matters. Where you have your baby doesn’t matter, but who is there when you have your baby matters more than anything else you need to consider while pregnant. In fact, I am going to say that who you choose to be present when you give birth is the single most important choice you will make while pregnant. More important than the nursery design, more important than what travel system, crib, or baby toys you register for, more important than your baby shower guest list. It should be at the top of your list. Most moms that I know choose to go to the most well known practice in the area, the practice at the top of the list on their list of in-network OBs, or the practice that most of their friends go to. They make the choice and then blindly go to their appointments and trust everything that provider says. They are the doctor, right? As a new mom that is what I did. Most of the time moms wanting a home birth or a birth center birth are a little more aware of the choices they are making due to those choices being less popular, but still I have read home birth and birth center stories that are just as scary (and often more scary) than hospital situations.
First Things First
Before you can choose a care provider, you actually need to know something about pregnancy and birth and what is going to happen in your body during the process. This seems like common sense, but again it has been my experience that very few women have a clue about what goes on in their bodies during the 10 months (yep it’s 10 months, not 9) they are pregnant and during the labor process. You can’t really know how to choose medical professionals to care for you during the process until you know what kind of care you want to receive. So how do you do that? First, promise me you won’t read the book “What to Expect When You are Expecting” unless you want a book with zero references and just want to be told not to worry and just trust your doctor. I have compiled a list of some of the best resources I have found on learning about pregnancy and childbirth below. You may notice that several of the books have a very pro natural childbirth stance. The reason for this is because I have found that those are really the only books that seem to give real, evidence based information. As I mentioned above I have had 2 medicated births. I strongly believe that moms should be free to have an epidural or pain management if they choose, however I also believe that we need to have all the information on such choices in order to make a confident choice. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but some of the best I have read. Feel free to share your other recommendations in the comments.
- Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin, really anything by Ina May is incredible
- Evidence Based Birth Website
- Childbirth Connection Website
- The Pregnancy Book by Dr. William and Martha Sears
- Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon
- Birth Without Fear Website
How to Choose?
Once you have an understanding of what you want for your pregnancy and delivery you are now equipped to choose a provider for yourself and your baby. I recommend interviewing several different doctors and midwives until you find one you really feel safe with. Let them know what you are hoping for and find a doctor that is supportive of your wishes and doesn’t brush you aside. I think many moms are used to being brushed aside by “doctor speak”. I know I was. Until my third pregnancy and I was interviewing the OB I ended up choosing. He was so kind and even apologized to me for the way I had been treated in the past. No doctor had ever done that before. I was under the care of the midwives for my pregnancy, but it is so important to know the OB as well. All the midwives are under his/her authority. Chances are if the OB is fantastic, the midwives will be so as well and unfortunately the opposite is not true. Fantastic midwives do not always mean fantastic doctors. Childbirth Connection has some really great articles on how to go about doing this that are worth checking out. If you find yourself having a hard time please reach out to me, no matter where you live I can help you find the places to look for really great care providers.
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